Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
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