My balls are so social today.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
