I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize