I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
