what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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