AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
