Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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