dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
