i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
