no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
