The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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