I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
