I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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