i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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