I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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