sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
So squirting runs in the family.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
