i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
