i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
