I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
