that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
