If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
