I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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