my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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