So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
