i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
