Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
