Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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