Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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