Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
