I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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