are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
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