Old men and throwing up are my life now.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
