Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
