at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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