You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
