he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You need Xanax blowdarts
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
