I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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