I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
