Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
