I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
