i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize