dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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