so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
