i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
