also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
