Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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