can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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