Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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