Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
