Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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