Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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