well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
