I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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