chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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