I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
