I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
