I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
