My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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