This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
