my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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