Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
