My room smells like vodka and shame
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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