With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
