i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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