I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
