And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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