Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
